Oof, where to begin with S.J. Clarkson’s Madame Web? Well, for one, the movie spins out a web of unintentional laughs. And to be clear, it’s not that this film is a comedy in disguise, it’s just so obnoxiously dumb that you can’t help but laugh at the sheer ridiculousness on screen. Yep, there are plenty of problems with this Spider-Man adjacent superhero flick, but chief among them is the terrible dialogue. This had to be written by Artificial Intelligence as no human would spout half the words said by these characters - at least that would make sense, anyways. Speaking of which, it’s often hard to make sense of the plot, as the narrative is extremely muddled and super clunky. Half baked? I’d say so - if not completely uncooked. There are some, shall we say, interesting editing choices. You see, our main hero has premonitions of the future brought on by a near death experience for some reason. So, the filmmakers decide to show these visions via jarring (and increasingly confounding) flashes of events. It’ll hurt both your eyes and head! As for Dakota Johnson, she half works in the lead role. Listen, she’s likable and easy on the eyes. Plus, her quirky and dry sense of humour is on full display. I can’t say the other actors make much an impression, however. They are all underdeveloped and hampered by the mind-boggling character motivations that they’ve been given. As for the villain, well, he’s as useless and forgettable as they come. Oh, did I mention this film tries very hard to connect to Spider-Man and his mythos? You might even say it’s a bit desperate by the end. On the plus side, the early 2000s setting makes for a sampling of nostalgic fun. It’s kinda fitting even, as this movie feels very much in line with early 2000s superhero fare. It’s just too bad the genre has evolved to be bigger and much, much better. Let’s just hope Madame Web doesn’t devolve it!