I’m sorry to say, but Francis Ford Coppola’s passion project, the decades-in-the-making Megalopolis, is a spectacular mess from start to finish. What we get is essentially a 2-hour-plus fever dream of a fable filled with unintentional laughs. Yes, the cringe is strong with this one. But, here’s the thing, it’s quite the technically sound film. Yep, Megalopolis is admittedly remarkably wonderful to look at - beautiful even. The purposely garish and dreamy visuals are impressive, there’s no question about that. The performances, on the hand, they are more of a mixed bag. It’s not that anybody is especially “bad,” rather they all felt like they were in a different movie – each doing their own thing. Adam Driver is committed and likable enough in our lead role, but Shia LaBeouf’s over-the-top output feels like something straight from a Shakespearean stage play. Plus, I’m pretty sure Aubrey Plaza thought she was making a campy comedy. Regardless, however, she’s incredibly entertaining. Speaking of amusing, I suppose that’s a polite way of describing Jon Voight in this movie. Let’s just say he makes some odd (possibly drunk?) choices. Not doing anybody any favors here is the film’s scattershot pacing, It’s awkwardly assembled - at best. There’s also a randomness to the proceedings. Shia LaBeouf in a dress? A virgin popstar scandal? And, biggest of all – Adam Driver’s ability to stop time? Oh yes, there’s a lot going on here, and sadly not everything makes sense narratively. That’s because the whole shebang is one big artsy metaphor with social commentary galore. Coppola is saying a lot in this film, and there are certainly important messages at hand. For one, there’s a rousing theme around the fragility of empires and how it only takes a few to send it crumbling. But, amidst the philosophical ponderings and modern-day comparison exists a laborious exercise in tedium and eyerolls. And, as advertised, this film will definitely be polarizing. So, have at cinephiles, Megalopolis is ripe for your dissection.