Eli Roth’s Borderlands is an unapologetic video game movie – for better or worse (but mostly worse). And just so I’m clear, I’m not talking about some of the more polished video game films of recent years (like 2021’s Mortal Kombat or the more fun that it had any right to be Gran Turismo). It’s more in the vein of late 90s/early 2000s video game films. That is to say, it doesn’t quite get the translation down. For some reason, they smoothed over all the edges here and taken the grit out of it. It’s just one big glitchy ball of shoddy CGI, a nonsense plot, and wasted performances. Sure, there are decent moments of action and excitement, but they become instantly forgettable the second the next scene starts. In fact, nothing in this movie stands out, which is a shame considering the director. Roth’s filmography is littered with crazy enjoyable movies, each with his own signature style elevating them. Here, not so much. It’s so paint-by-numbers generic, you’d think it was directed by one of the robots seen in the movie. And, unfortunately, the acting doesn’t do much to salvage things. Cate Blanchett is clearly having fun with the role, but I never bought her (and her glamorous cheekbones) as this badass bounty hunter. It’s a far cry from the recent outstanding heroine performances from the likes of Anya Taylor Joy (Furiosa) or Charlize Theron (Old Guard etc.). And, I couldn’t help but feel that Kevin Hart was shackled in his respective role. He never gets to let loose, only going “half Kevin Hart,” which really isn’t enough. As for Jamie Lee Curtis, the icon is all but wasted in a lame “according to my calculations” scientist role with little to nothing to do. And the less I say about Jack Black’s grating voice work as the robotic Clap Trap the better. Never have I been so annoyed with a character since, well, Jar Jar Binks. Am I being too harsh? Maybe. I genuinely think a 12-year-old me would probably really like this movie. And maybe that’s who they made it for – preteens with a hankering for wacky adventures. For everyone else though, it’s just a waste of time.